


Leia Finds Out

by how_do_i_turn_this_thing_off



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 15:03:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_do_i_turn_this_thing_off/pseuds/how_do_i_turn_this_thing_off
Summary: From a writing prompt I saw on tumblr not too long ago: Leia finding out about Rey and Ben’s Force bondA/N: Don’t read unless you are looking to feel some ~feelings~
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Reylo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93





	Leia Finds Out

The Rebellion was behaving... erratically.

Not that the Rebellion ever moved in straight lines per se, Rey reminded herself, searching among the storage containers of the ship they'd stolen, trying to find some food. When you were fighting an enemy like the First Order with little more than your wits and guerrilla warfare the last thing you wanted to be was predictable. But now Poe had them planet-hopping almost every other day, and Rey felt like she was starting to get space-lag. They'd shed almost all the other Rebels as they'd gone, leaving them on one derelict base or the other with whatever supplies they could spare and orders to recruit anyone they could; more than anything else right now the Rebellion needed warm bodies, regardless of their talents or skills. Poe insisted he could train anyone willing to learn how to shoot or fly, and while Rey believed him it was finding people who were willing that was the problem now, and she couldn't help thinking that Poe wasn't making it any easier on himself by never staying in one place long enough to get more than a couple night's sleep and a local meal.

She popped the top off another container and found some ready meals, labeled in a language neither she nor her scanner recognized. Great.

“Rey,” someone said behind her, at the same time she felt the frisson of the activating Force bond against her skin.

“Do you know what this says?” she asked Ben, turning around and holding up the package. He raised his eyebrows at it.

“No,” he replied. “Where are you?”

“Stealing stuff,” she said, turning back towards the containers. “How's being Supreme Leader going? Is Hux making you give speeches about how great you all are, or is that year two kind of stuff?”

“Hux is elsewhere,” Ben said briefly, not really answering her question. “What are you going to do about your lightsaber?”

“'My' lightsaber?” she repeated, turning around and raising her eyebrows at him, wanting to see if he was actually admitting that it was hers now- finally- or if it had been a slip of the tongue. But Ben wasn't there anymore, the frisson of his presence washing away with him. A moment later she heard footsteps in the hall outside and the door slid open, revealing Poe with his blaster out. She stared at him as he looked around the room, checking every corner, as though he expected someone to be there other than her.

“Just got a tip-off,” he explained in a hushed tone once he was satisfied it was just them. “There's a stowaway on board. I've got BB-8 on controls so we can search the ship.”

“BB-8's flying this thing?” Rey asked, getting to her feet, instantly concerned. They hadn't exactly stolen the best rust bucket in the docks and she'd noticed already that it listed to one side and that it's port engine didn't fire quite as hard as it's starboard. They were minor problems, considering, but it still took an experienced pilot to compensate for them.

“I've got a course laid in, it's fine,” Poe said. “He's really only there in case we get some unexpected company, but I doubt this thing has much more lojack on it than the one tracker we found. Come on. Get your blaster out.” Rey hesitated before grabbing her quarterstaff instead from where she'd left it leaning on the counter and Poe rolled his eyes, gesturing for her to take the fore of the ship while she took the rear. Having spent the last few years with a blaster in his hand almost every day he could never understand why she preferred her 'metal stick', as he called it, but she found it comforting and familiar. Plus, if they did find a stowaway they should probably question them or something, and that would be easier if Rey had just whacked him over the head rather than shot him to pieces.

They searched for an hour at least, checking every hold, every storage unit, every odd nook and cranny. Rey found a stash of what looked like dusty flares modified to be mini hand grenades (modified very badly, and she backed away hastily before she accidentally blew them all up), and something that looked like a dry yellowish fungus, at least until she got too close to it and it flinched away from her. She felt it out in the Force but whatever the thing was it didn't seem sentient enough to count as a stowaway so she left that alone too.

“Nothing?” Poe demanded when they reunited just outside the bridge, BB-8 turning in his seat to whistle at them in an inquiring way. Rey told him about the slapdash grenades but confirmed she hadn't seen anything else. “Huh,” he said, frowning into the middle distance before glancing at her again. “And you don't, you know, feel anything, anything like that?”

“No one but us,” she confirmed. “Must have been a bad tip.”

“Mm,” Poe hummed, not really agreeing as he rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from her again. His eyes were tight with strain and his hand hadn't left his blaster.

“Are you alright?” Rey asked, tentatively trying to sense him a little, in the Force. She generally resisted doing it to her friends, since it felt a little like she was invading their privacy, but she told herself it was probably okay if she was just worried about them. Poe felt... antsy. Suspicious. On edge. Disappointed. That they hadn't actually found a stowaway? Was he hoping they would?

“Yeah, just a bit tired, that's all,” he said, dropping his hand from the back of his neck and smiling vaguely at her. “It's been a long haul. How are you holding up?”

“Fine. A little tired. I could use a longer rest on whatever planet we go to next,” she admitted.

“I know. Me too. They keep us hopping,” he said, but in a robotic way, as if he was simming a lighthearted tone but not actually feeling it. “On the bright side, did I see some food back there?”

Despite still not being able to understand what the food packaging said they opened one to test it and find out if it was safe to eat, then dug into a package each when the edistrip came up green. The food was suspiciously bland and mealy but filling; they were only halfway through their meals when their mouths started going numb and they had to stop going or risk drooling on themselves all night. They agreed to try to finish the stuff in the morning before Poe wandered back to the bridge, saying something vague about 'making adjustments'. Rey watched him go feeling slightly unsettled, though she couldn't say why. Normally Poe wasn't hard to talk to-- there was a an easy humor to him, an air of laid back competence that made you simultaneously a little more relaxed yourself but also sure that if a rush of angry Leffingite males came bursting through the door with their guns blazing, he'd be the first one firing back. Tonight, however, being around him made her feel jumpy and awkward, and she was a little relieved to watch him leave.

“Finally,” Ben commented, and she glanced around to see him standing by the counter. “Do you have to be around people all the time?”

“We're a busy Rebellion,” Rey said with a shrug. She couldn't really fault him his frustration-- they'd been interrupted over and over again the past few weeks, so much so that it sometimes felt like they could each hardly get a word in before the other was gone again. Still, she tried to make a joke out of it. “So much to steal, you know, blow up, sneak into, disable...”

“You feel... uncomfortable,” Ben said, ignoring her feeble attempt at a joke as he examined her.

“Everybody's moody these days,” she confessed, not mentioning that right now 'everybody' just consisted of Poe and BB-8. “You're not being any worse than usual, are you?”

“How so?”

“Oh, you know. Capturing people, for instance? Torturing them? Slaughtering innocent villagers wholesale, anything like that?”

Ben gave her a very hard done by look. “Not in any unusual way, no.” Before he could say more a muffled sound made them both turn around, an echo of shouting coming from the direction of the bridge, angry shouting, as though Poe was yelling himself hoarse at something.

“I better go see what that is,” Rey said, turning back, but she knew even before she'd scanned the room that Ben was gone again. Even though she'd been about to leave anyway she still gave his spot by the counter a mournful look, as though it was the kitchen itself that had wounded her, before heading towards the bridge to see what was up. She got there just in time to see Poe slap a control panel to cut off communications, growling in frustration as he rubbed both hands through his hair then propped them on his hips. BB-8 whistled at him, concerned.

“I know buddy, I know,” Poe said, patting BB-8's casing in an absentminded way, still frowning at the panel. “Sorry about that.”

“What's wrong?” Rey asked, stepping onto the bridge tentatively. It was a grand name for a not very grand thing; on a ship this small the bridge was cramped, and even standing in it put her within a foot of Poe already.

“We've got a spy,” he said abruptly, turning towards Rey, his expression frustrated and grave with worry and fatigue.

“A First Order spy?” Rey confirmed, as if it could be anyone else. Poe made a gesture somewhere between a nod and a shrug. “Who is it?”

“I don't glekking know, Rey, and neither does anyone else, but Leia's been up my tailpipe about it two months running and I'm close to shooting myself out the nearest airlock if I get another damn comm telling me someone's watching my every move. I know, I know,” he said, patting BB-8 again in a response to a series of worried beeps and whistles. “Mind if we sit down?” Poe asked Rey, gesturing towards the crew quarters of the ship. “I need to take a load off for a second.”

“Sure,” she said, suspecting he wanted to get away from the droid before saying anything else. BB-8 was a tough little unit but he tended to be a bit anxious about Poe's moods. She led the way to the quarters area, to a narrow set of benches on either side of a table, taking the outside bench and leaving Poe the slightly broader seat set along the wall. He didn't sit immediately, ducking into the racks instead and shuffling around in his pack, coming back with a large canteen.

“Jet Juice,” he told Rey, unscrewing the top. “A little stronger than they usually make it, but still not nearly strong enough as far as I'm concerned.” He took a long sip, seeming to savor it, then passed the canteen over. Rey took it and sipped a little less avidly, experimenting with the new flavor. It was fruity and spicy at the same time, with a burning tingle that felt strange in her still slightly numb mouth and a smoky aftertaste she hadn't expected. It was a lot to take in and she honestly couldn't decide if she liked it or not.

“You get used to it,” Poe said with a tired smile, the first real smile she thought she'd seen on his face all night. “The boys down in the docks will load this stuff then dare each other to pull off the stupidest stunts you've ever heard of. Meteor loop-the-loops, grav-spirals, all kinds. Not that I've ever done something like that, of course.”

“Of course,” Rey said, smiling and passing the canteen back. Poe took another drink then sighed, setting it on the table and moving the base in a small circle.

“I'm not supposed to tell you this,” he said, leaning back into the seat and dragging one leg up on the bench, looking into distance. “I'm not supposed to tell anyone at all. I don't even know how many people know at Command, or if anyone does. But someone's embedded in the Rebellion, someone in our core fighters. Leia's been feeling it since Crait.”

“She has?” Rey asked, confused. She hadn't felt anything like it, not that she'd known to be on the lookout, but surely someone couldn't be plotting against the Rebellion and not give off some kind of-- of vibration, or aura, or something she would have picked up on?

“You haven't felt anything?” Poe asked, watching Rey closely.

“No. Not that I've noticed. I don't think I would have missed it, but I don't know. Leia's felt it since Crait?”

“Off and on. That's why she's had me flying a maze around myself, shedding people left and right at any half-vaporated shack I can find. First she wanted me down to a basic crew, then a limited crew, then a skeleton crew. Now she's still going off about it but I told her I can't get much more skeleton than this,” he said gesturing between them then grabbing the canteen. “She knows that, too, but she's still firing up the comms to lecture me about stowaways and whatever other thing she can think of to keep me jumping out of my skin.”

“Even Rose?” Rey asked, remembering with a start who they'd left behind most recently as Poe drank more Jet Juice. “Even Finn?”

“At this point, Rey, I'm surprised she doesn't suspect herself,” he said, handing the canteen over. She took it automatically. “Guess I'm just Bith-blooded lucky that she never thought it was me, or I'd be set chasing my own tail over and over again and never knowing why.”

“Blekk,” Rey said, reeling as she lifted the canteen to drink automatically. The sip she took was longer this time, the burn and sweetness almost pleasant, an antidote to how shaken she was feeling. “But she didn't want you to even tell me?” she asked once she'd swallowed, setting the canteen down abruptly as she remembered how the conversation had started. Poe shrugged, avoiding eye contact. That hit Rey like a blow; if she'd been standing she almost felt as though she might have actually staggered. As it was she braced both hands against the table, leaning back, taking that in. “Blekk,” she said again.

“Yeah. Blekk's the word. She's decided whatever she's feeling is unusually strong in the Force; at first we thought one of us must be a sensitive that she hadn't noticed, because apparently that kind of thing is hard to suss out. Now she wants me to bring you to Command so she can question you herself, just to be sure. I'm sorry, Rey,” he said, finally meeting her eyes, his gaze and his feeling in the Force all exhausted sincerity and sympathy. “Just try to put up with it. If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure she's going to question me too.”

“And then what?” Rey asked, trying to ignore the sudden surge of hurt she felt when she tried to digest that Leia possibly even kind of thought Rey might betray her. “If it's not either of us--.”

“I don't know,” Poe said, drinking again and leaning back against the wall, his eyes half-lidded. They sat in silence for a long time, since there seemed to be nothing more to say, trading the canteen back and forth at intervals, both thinking their own thoughts. Since it seemed a little too painful to try and focus on Leia doubting her at the moment- or at any moment- Rey instead tried to sympathize with Poe to take her mind off her own emotions. If Rey herself felt stung by the implied suspicion it must be nothing to how Poe felt, running himself ragged up and down star system after star system, suspecting everyone around him but with nothing to go on, shaving off one friend after another, every time probably wondering if this was the one, if this was the spy, how long it would take to be sure, what he would do- might have to do- if Leia decided it was.

“I'm going to get some rack,” Poe said after a while even though the canteen was still nearly half full, carefully screwing the lid back on before he stood and stretched. “And I'm going to shut off comms for the night and tell BB-8 not to beep me, so if you hear anything just ignore it.”

“Sure,” Rey agreed, standing herself, heading towards the door and out to the rest of the ship. She needed to think alone for a while, and given her extremely thorough search of their immediate surroundings just a couple hours ago she knew exactly where was headed. The cargo bay was large enough to practice with her quarterstaff, which she needed to do anyway, and far enough away from anyone else that she wouldn't hear the comms go off no matter how many times they sounded.

She got to the bay and stood in the middle of the large, empty room, stretching slowly and carefully, paying attention to what was sore, what hurt, what didn't. It had been too long since she'd gone through her forms. On Jakku she'd done them every day, both to keep herself limber and as a warning to anyone who might be watching, letting them know that even though she was just a scavenger slave out on her own she was more than ready to put up a fight if another being tried to mess with her.

The forms themselves were nothing special, and she started in the first pose and began to move with the fluidity of long practice, leaning into jabs, sweeps, blows, trips, lunges. She'd found a cracked Imperial screen a long time ago, half-buried in the sand that had blown through a wrecked Destroyer, a screen that seemed like a training manual of some kind. She wasn't great at reading but there had been pictures, and one of the chapters had been fighting with a staff. It had seemed like the only thing she might be able to do herself, since it wasn't as though the scavengers who had stripped the Destroyers before her had left any blasters or speeders behind, but since there had been nothing connecting the moves she'd had to cobble them together into some kind of cohesive series of exercises. It had taken months, and no little determination, and several times she'd had to move things around, finding the transition between one movement and another too awkward or ungainly, but she'd settled on a rough template she'd been able to fill in over the years. It probably wasn't as advanced as anyone who had actual staff training would be capable of, if they'd even recognized what she did as training to start with, but it had done the job.

She turned, bringing the staff down in a hard two-handed strike, and saw Ben watching her, just at the edge of her range. If he'd actually been here he might have even felt a slight breeze as the end whistled past his chest. He didn't flinch. “Finally,” Rey said, straightening back up, panting slightly as she let the staff fall back to rest position next to her.

“Was I expected?” Ben asked.

“No. I just hoped you'd show up.” In fact that had been the main reason she'd wanted to be alone, though she didn't say it. “Plus I got to practice.”

“Still working on the lightsaber then?”

She shrugged, not about to give him any information, particularly not now when Leia already thought Rey might be a spy. Remembering that made her glance at Ben, frowning. If she asked him about it, would he tell her? Would he lie? Was it even alright to ask something like that when they had this uneasy half-in-half-out thing between them?

“You're trying to burn a hole through me with your eyes, I think,” Ben observed.

“I have a question for you.”

“Yes, I noticed that.” She continued to frown at him, not sure how to say what she thought without saying too much but sure, suddenly, that she had to find out what she could nonetheless. “It will be difficult for me to answer the question if you don't say it verbally,” Ben pointed out after a long moment, frowning himself, not sure of the reason for her hostility.

Rey turned away for a moment, sweeping the quarterstaff down and across, right to left, then down and across again, left to right, thinking. “Leia thinks I might be a spy,” she said at last, looking over at Ben.

“A spy?” he repeated incredulously, frowning even more fiercely than before. “For who?” She just stared at him, raising her eyebrows, and he all but started. “For me?!” he exclaimed, as though there was anyone else standing where he was. Rey looked away, pacing a small circle, swinging the quarterstaff up now, left to right, right to left. “Well are you?” Ben asked after a moment.

“No!” she snapped, giving him a hard look.

“You can be if you want to be. I'd let you.” When she only continued to glare he shook his head at her. “I don't know what you want me to say, Rey. It doesn't seem like much of a question; all I could possibly tell you is that from a First Order perspective no, you're not a spy. So far as we know,” he added, getting another glare for her trouble. “Alternatively, if what you were hoping for is a window into my mother's mind I'm the last person who could possibly help you there. I haven't even been in the same room as her since I was a child.”

That didn't help at all, but she wasn't sure what she'd expected. She turned away again, now sweeping the staff across parallel to the ground, first at waist height, then at shoulder height, right to left, left to right, right to left, left to right. The smooth twisting, flexing motion in her shoulders felt good so she did the shoulder height sweeps again. Right to left. Left to right.

“Rey,” Ben said, watching her. He was still there. For once they'd managed to have a conversation they both actually got to stick around for. “Why does Leia think you're a spy?” Rey shrugged, frowning again at hearing the words said out loud. “Why aren't you telling me?” he demanded, a little more frustration in his tone, and she just shrugged again. He went silent for a moment, then sighed, a sigh that sounded like realization. “Because she doesn't. She thinks there is one, but she doesn't think it's you.”

“Maybe,” Rey said, stopping in front of him again, staff at rest position. It seemed useless to lie about it. Even if she did, he'd know. He probably wouldn't even need to feel her in the bond to know, he'd just know regardless.

“What exactly did she say about it?” he asked. She stayed silent and he rolled his eyes at her. “Rey, we don't have a spy in the Rebellion,” he said, slowly and clearly. “You have no idea how hard it is to embed someone in your little enclave of transient criminals, especially with two extremely powerful Force users who might spot them. Not that Hux hasn't wanted to try it, but even he knows better. If there is a spy, it's not us.”

It was true. Just as Ben wouldn't need the bond to tell if Rey lied, she didn't need the bond to tell if he was lying now, though she reached for it anyway. Ben waited patiently, but there was no sense of deception from him at all. “Fine,” Rey muttered, withdrawing. “But if it's not the First Order who is it?”

“That is something I would also very much like to know. What did Leia say exactly?”

“That she's felt it ever since Crait,” Rey said, wondering if this counted as a betrayal. Surely not, not now. In fact she was getting valuable intel, since she now knew for a fact the First Order's hands were clean. Well, metaphorically, and only this time. “She hasn't been able to pin down who it is exactly, because it keeps fading in and out. Now she thinks it might be a Force sensitive she hasn't discovered.”

“Why does she think that?” Ben asked, having gone quite still. Rey studied him curiously.

“I'm not sure. I haven't talked to her about it directly, yet. Apparently she said something about how her feelings are strong in the Force when it happens. You know something, don't you?” she accused.

“I know something,” he confirmed, staring into the middle distance.

“And?” He said nothing, seeming to process as though trying to find some flaw in whatever direction his thoughts were taking him. “Ben,” she reminded him none too patiently.

“Rey, only one person joined the Rebellion on Crait,” he said, turning back to her.

“It's not me!” she protested immediately, swinging her staff up into a fighting stance.

“No, it's not. Well, it is and it isn't. She's not feeling you, Rey,” he said, gesturing to himself, up and down. “She's feeling me.”

“What?” Rey said, aghast. Leia was feeling Ben? How?

“It's been happening since Crait,” he reminded her, reciting back what she'd just told him. “It fades in and out. It's strong in the Force. And before, before you came to me, when I met you in the hut, Luke knew. He knew I was there, even though he'd cut himself off from the Force for years. The moment he reached for it again he could feel that I was with you.”

“But- but then- this whole time-.”

“Every time we've seen each other, Leia knew. Not enough to tell that it's me specifically, but enough to tell that it's not Rebellion, that it's someone else. Of course she thought it was a spy. How could she guess otherwise?” He shook his head, pressing his lips together almost in an anxious gesture. “Are you going to see her soon?” Rey hesitated and Ben sighed. “So that's a yes. We have to let her see us together, like Luke did.”

“And if she blows up whatever room we're in?” Rey pointed out, remembering how Luke had reacted.

“Hopefully my mother's response will be a bit more measured, but we can't be sure,” he said, looking away. She reached for the bond curiously, finding his reluctance, his concern, his nervousness, a strange flush almost of defensiveness, as if preparing for a blow.

“Ben, how long did you say it's been since you last saw your mother?” Rey asked softly.

“We spoke a few times by holocron, while I was with Luke,” he said briefly. “Obviously we haven't spoken since.”

“But how long since you've seen her?” He said nothing and she stepped toward him, so that if he'd been here they would have been within arm's reach of each other. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Rey asked. “I can just tell her. Try to explain--.”

“That won't work,” Ben said, shaking his head, looking at her. “If she can't study it for herself she'll think I'm corrupting you, Rey. It-- it can be done, in the bond. You already know that someone can feed you visions of things that aren't real, like Snoke did, but there's other ways you can effect someone too, worse ways. You can invade their conscious and subconscious thoughts, enslave them. Turn them to think what you think or just control them entirely. There were... Sith,” he said, seeming to struggle with the word. “A long time ago, who could do unspeakable things. Feed on a connection. Drain someone, of their ability to use the Force or their life or both. Even...” He took a deep breath, looking away then back at Rey again as though making himself do it. “Rey, it's possible to taint someone through the bond. To overcome their natural inclination and compel them to the Dark side, whether or not they're willing.”

She stared at him, trying to imagine such a horrible thing, feeling his own shame and doubt in their connection, flooding through him as he held her gaze, his face slightly contorted as though something caused him pain or was about to. “Ben, you would never,” she said finally, believing it with all her heart, trying to send that belief to him. “I know you wouldn't. You would never, ever do that to me.”

“I--,” he said, choking on the words, “I thought about it, Rey. Briefly, but I did. It was before, before you came to me on the Supremacy, while Snoke was still in our heads. When I first found it in the records I thought it would be easier maybe, if you could blame me. Easier for you. But when I read about how terrible it was- and when I thought about who you are, and how that would hurt you- I couldn't. I could never. I knew I could never. But I did... it was just a moment, but I did think about doing something like that.”

“But you didn't,” Rey said, reaching for him. Her fingers went through him like he was nothing more than smoke; he was refusing the contact, not letting her touch him. “Ben--.”

“It gets worse, Rey,” he said, looking down at his feet now, avoiding even meeting her eyes. “I've been researching in every way I can think of, trying to understand what this is, how this works, every instance of Force bonding I can find. And whenever I encounter records about Sith, particularly Sith bonding with Jedi, that chance of the Dark taint is always there. And I don't know if it's voluntary or not.”

“You wouldn't,” she tried again, but he shook his head, eyes still on the floor.

“You don't understand Rey. I don't know if it's voluntary for me. I don't know if I'll taint you through the bond whether I choose to or not. There's nothing that says I will,” he added, the only allowance he was giving himself. “But there's nothing that says I won't, either.”

“But you're not a Sith, Ben.”

“Rey, I'm pretty damn close.”

“Ben,” she said, dropping her quarterstaff at her feet altogether and reaching for his shoulders, but her hands still went right through him. “Ben,” she scolded, but she could tell in the way he was still refusing to look at her that he wasn't going to let it happen so she folded her arms across her chest instead. “Ben, reach for me. In the bond. Do it.” He hesitated but she felt him obey, reluctantly, shyly, his focus transitioning from her in life to her feeling in his head. She opened herself to him as much as she could, her heart, her absolute and unassailable belief in him, regardless of what he thought, regardless of whatever records he'd read or stories he'd found.

“You would never,” she narrated. “You would never, ever do something like that. I know you Ben Solo. I know you from the inside out.” He nodded, but she could tell he still wasn't convinced. “Ben Solo,” she repeated in a much harder tone, waiting until he finally glanced up at her, shifting her stance so she was square to him. “Even if you did and didn't want to, I'd fight it. You know I'd fight it. And if there's anyone who can beat something like that, it's me. It's us. You and me, together. If neither of us want it, it's just not going to happen. It's not possible.”

“Rey, if it did I'd break the bond,” Ben told her, something definite and final in his eyes, in his tone. A vow, not just a statement. “If I thought that was happening I'd break the bond. I decided a long time ago. It's terrible, but it can be done. I know how--.”

“Don't you DARE!” she shouted, sudden fear and fury leaping in her in equal measure, an instinctive and vicious response to a threat, an awareness of terrible danger that hadn't been there before. Her hands came apart, balled into fists, as though if she could physically reach him she'd fly at him. “Ben, how could you! How could you even think something like that?!”

“It's the only way I can live with myself, and this,” he said, gesturing between helplessly, his finger tracing a straight line in the air, from his heart to hers. “Wouldn't you do the same, Rey? If you thought you were going to hurt me and you couldn't help it? Wouldn't you do anything you could to make sure that didn't happen?”

“I-- I would never,” she sputtered, knowing he had backed her into a corner but still refusing to accept that possibility. “I would never hurt you, Ben, and you would never hurt me. It would never happen.”

“But if it did,” he insisted, similarly inflexible. She could only stare at him, and he nodded once, sharply. “I would destroy the bond,” he said, a simple statement more raw and more terrible than if he had gouged a wound straight into her chest and laid her heart bare. “I would do it. To save you. If it was the only way...” he took a deep breath, looking her in the eyes. “I would do it to save you from me.”

She hated him. She hated him so much she couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't bear it. Rey called her quarterstaff back into her hand with a snap and whirled away, storming back to the crew quarters, to the racks, where Poe slept, where his presence even unconsciously could sever the connection. When she got there she whirled around, checking every corner, peering suspiciously into every shadow. Ben was nowhere to be seen, and Poe slept the deep, dreamless sleep of true exhaustion. Only then did she burst into tears.

***

Rebel Command was located on the planet Iphigin now, a bluish-red planet that had been a hub of trade once but had fallen into disrepair these days, forgotten and neglected, the perfect place for a Rebel Base. Rey watched it approach from the copilot's chair moodily, scanning the surface and the screens in front of her, making sure nothing unexpected came up. Nothing did. It used to be that arriving to a new planet was her favorite thing, but it'd been two days since her fight with Ben and while she still had that terrible, corrosive pain in her chest she wasn't interested in much anymore. The only thing she had prioritized was staying within range of Poe at all times to keep the Force bond from activating; fortunately that wasn't a very hard thing to do on a ship like this and with only each other for company, and so far there was no sign of Ben. He was worried, in the bond, but still resolute, and she couldn't fathom it.

Did it make her better or worse than him, to say that she couldn't imagine anything that would make her destroy the bond herself? She'd wrestled with the question this whole time and come up with nothing. Even if it was hurting him? But there was nothing she would do to hurt him, nothing she could ever do to hurt him. Even if it was pulling him towards the Light side whether he wanted it or not? That made her hesitate, kept her up at night, set her to pacing, set her to staring off into the distance at odd moments. Would the Light hurt him though? She didn't think so, but shouldn't he have the choice?

“I'm guessing you'll be glad to get off this bucket,” Poe said with forced cheer, looking better than he had in days. The comms had stayed quiet, of course, since Rey was subverting the bond and there was therefore nothing for Leia to sound the alarm about. Rey nodded and Poe looked away. “Don't let the spy thing eat at you too much,” he said, fiddling with some finicky sensors that probably needed to be bared and readjusted. “We'll get it figured out. And hey, nothing's happened yet! In this business that's about the best you can hope for.”

Rey smiled, agreeing with him, wishing she could just tell him the truth. But how could she explain it? And how could she try to even introduce the subject with this pain still eating away at her? After two days continuously in his company they'd run out of things to say to each other, and when they finally docked at the main Rebel Headquarters building she suspected it was with a certain amount of relief on both their parts. Leia met them there, flanked by a couple of serious-looking guards. Rey blinked; she couldn't remember ever seeing Leia with guards before. She exited the ship at the back of the line, letting Leia greet Poe and BB-8 first, not sure what to expect. When it was Rey's turn Leia beamed, holding out her arms with all the warm, pure motherly affection Rey associated with her.

“Oh Rey, how I've missed your smile,” Leia said, hugging her for a long moment that was still too brief. “Though it looks like I'll have to wait a little longer to see that,” she commented, standing back and noticing for the first time Rey's downcast expression.

“I'd like to talk to you,” Rey said, trying for a smile and only managing a ghost of one.

“Of course,” Leia said without hesitation, gesturing to lead her inside. The guards shadowed them through a series of hallways and important-looking meeting rooms, and finally Leia showed her into a space that was clearly the antechamber of her room. Much to Rey's relief the guards didn't follow them in there, instead stationing themselves outside the door right before it closed.

“You feel it too,” Leia said immediately, taking Rey's hands and leading her to the sitting area, onto one of two slightly worn but immaculate sofas, arranged facing each other. “I knew you would.”

Rey shook her head, gently pulling away. “I don't. I mean-- I do, but not like you think I do.” She took a breath, not sure how to say what she needed to say, how to reveal to Leia what she probably should have told her on the Millennium Falcon the moment they'd been reunited. She'd held back for a lot of reasons, but none of them ones that she thought would score her many points here. Who knew how Leia would react? Who knew what Leia would say?

“What do you mean, Rey?” Leia asked gently when no explanation was forthcoming. “Your emotions are such a tangle I don't even know where to begin.”

Rey laughed, a real laugh, shaky but genuine. “Me neither,” she admitted. “Something... something happened on Ahch-To, something that I didn't expect, something that I didn't want at first, but-- but things are different now. Things have changed. And I'm different now. It made me different, but better. And I think that's what you're feeling, when you tell Poe you feel a presence that isn't one of us. I think that's what it is.”

Leia sat back a little at this revelation, examining her. “Poe wasn't supposed to tell you about that.”

“He didn't, not until two days ago,” Rey rushed to reassure her. “I think he's just worried about you, and about all of us. It's been hard on him, and you. I wish I'd known.”

“Rey, you're going to have to be just a bit clearer,” Leia said carefully, as though speaking to someone on a precipice. Maybe she was-- an emotional precipice, anyway. “What do you mean, when you say something happened on Ahch-To?”

“I met someone. Someone I thought I knew, but I didn't. Not really. And then I got to know them. And I realized how much I hadn't known them before.”

“Someone who wasn't Luke?” Leia clarified. Rey nodded. “Who did you meet?”

“Well that's-- that's the thing,” Rey said, taking a deep breath. “I don't really know how to tell you, so I have to show you. Is that-- would that be okay?”

“What are you showing me, Rey?” Leia asked in that same quiet, careful tone.

“I have a couple comms,” Rey said instead of answering the question, reaching around into her pack and drawing them out. “Just basic ones. If it's alright, could I give you one of these and have you go into your room for a moment? Then I'll call you on mine when you can come back in here?”

Leia took the radio Rey offered her, looking between it and Rey, expression bemused but not untrusting. “I'm not sure I understand,” Leia said, “but just tell me this, Rey. Are you alright?”

“I'll be fine,” Rey assured her, kind of answering, kind of not. “It shouldn't take too long, I hope. I'll call you.” Leia looked her over again, up and down, then at the radio in her hand, then shook her head and stood. 

“I'll wait in my room, then,” she said, going over to the second door and giving Rey one last look before leaving completely, a look that Rey tried to respond to with a smile. It was unlikely to be any more convincing than the one she'd tried before, and Leia shook her head slightly, disappearing into the bedroom, the door closing behind her with a soft hiss.

Rey looked around, almost expecting Ben to pop into view immediately, but he didn't. What would she do if the Force bond didn't activate at all? She'd tried to recreate the accidental meeting with Luke as nearly as she could but it wasn't as though she could deliberately arrange for Leia to stumble on them, while by herself, in a remote hut somewhere. And what would she do if the bond did activate? That was almost as hard to think about, somehow. She didn't want to see Ben- if it wasn't for this crisis she'd caused and now had to handle, she would have avoided the bond for a week at least- and now that the time had come when she actually had to have him around she wasn't sure if him appearing or not appearing would be more disastrous. She fiddled with the radio for a moment, rolling it around in her hands, and when she looked up Ben was sitting next to her.

“Rey,” he said, looking at her in a way she couldn't interpret, and she was too afraid to reach into the bond and try.

“I'm with your mother,” Rey said. “Well, she's in the next room. Are you ready?”

“I've been sitting alone in my room the last two days waiting to see you again,” Ben said in a not very friendly tone. “The First Order thinks I'm meditating.”

“Well, I only got here just now,” Rey said honestly, holding out her hand. “Do you still want to go through with this or not?”

He frowned at her, his hands in fists on his knees. “If you're upset with me--.”

“Ben, I don't know how much time we have with this or if it will even work. Please, just-- let's do this first. Please. Please.”

He hesitated, one hand rising up off his knee, hovering inches from hers. “If I do, we have to talk afterwards,” he insisted. “Properly. No more running away, no more using the other Rebels to hide.”

“Fine,” she agreed, jogging her hand insistently. She could see from his expression that he couldn't tell if she'd meant that or not- to be honest neither could she- but he finally leaned forward, stretching out his hand, his fingers grazing hers. Then, as they hadn't before, curling around them. And in a moment he was holding it, not just touching it but holding it, real and solid and there.

“Okay,” Rey said, slightly thrown by this but swearing to herself she wouldn't get distracted, fumbling with her radio with her free hand. “Okay, I'm going to call her in. Ready?”

“Yes,” Ben said, looking around now that he could see his surroundings, glancing between the two different doors. Rey took pity on him, nodding towards the door Leia was behind as she hit the call button.

“Leia? Could you come back in please?” Rey asked. There was a moment of static then the radio picked up.

“Alright, Rey,” Leia said. A long, tense second later the door to Leia's room slid open and she saw Ben.

They stared at each other, Ben's face an expressionless mask as Leia's flicked through a variety of emotions: first confusion, then suspicion, then realization, then something terribly like hope and fear together that turned her skin white and made her stumble forward a couple of steps, grasping the back of the couch facing theirs.

“Ben?” she gasped, staring at him so hard it was as though she expected he'd melt away if she didn't concentrate all her will on keeping him in her sight.

Ben tried to speak then swallowed, tried again. “Mother,” he said, his tone as expressionless as his face.

“What- I don't- how are you here?”

“I'm not,” Ben said quietly. “Rey and I are bonded, in the Force. You can see me because of her.” His fingers twitched around hers on the word 'bonded', tightening slightly as though he thought she'd be torn away from him the moment anyone knew. “When we touch through the bond, I can be here. Temporarily.”

“Ben,” Leia said again, a tearing, lonely, eager, wounded word, and then she made her way around the couch and stumbled into Ben's arms, holding him for all she was worth, her sobs breathless and rasping as she quaked against him. Ben caught her with one arm, keeping his other hand in Rey's so he'd stay here, and even with everything going on between them Rey couldn't help but be proud of him for that. She'd felt his decision, through the bond, his decision to stay when Leia had come toward him, even though he could have torn his hand from Rey's and been gone. Instead he held Leia, awkwardly but gently, and Rey felt something wounded in him too.

“Mother,” he said, tears on his face, and then nothing more was said for a long time as he and Leia cried and Rey did as well, seeing them together. She wished she could give them a moment alone but she didn't dare try letting go of Ben's hand, and even as she thought it she felt his fingers tighten on hers again and was grateful for that, and ashamed. He wanted her here, even in this moment, this precious, tender, fragile moment; this man who would do anything for her, who would even threaten to rip himself apart to keep her safe, wanted her to stay with him while he cried with his mother. It was more than she could have ever anticipated and she had to wipe her face over and over again just thinking about it then clasped her other hand to Ben's reassuringly, communicating what, in this moment, words could not.

“I was the one you felt,” Ben said softly, his voice unsteady as the tears between all three of them finally began to slow. “The bond activates when each of us is alone wherever we are, but beyond that we can't predict or anticipate it. It's not Rey's fault. The bond happened on its own.”

“Yes,” Leia said, leaning back to see him, to take his face in her hands and examine it. “I know about Force bonds. Luke and I had one for a long time. You look so much like I thought you would,” she continued fondly, smiling at him. “We have holocrons of the mysterious Supreme Leader, but it's been so hard to find one of your face.” She studied Ben for a moment, committing him to memory, her fingers tracing over the scar across his forehead and cheek.

“Rey gave me that,” Ben said, his tone one of both embarrassment and pride that made Rey smile.

“Yes, I've heard.” Leia finally turned away only long enough to scoot the other couch forward, close enough that she could sit on the end, holding her son's free hand. “Alright, Rey, Ben,” she said, looking between them then at their clasped hands. “Tell me about this Force bond.”

And Ben told her. About the first time it had activated, when Rey had tried to shoot him. About their conversations while Rey was on Ahch-To, trying to learn about the Force, reluctantly also learning about Ben. She'd wondered how much he'd tell or try to hide of what Luke had done, and although there were a couple times he faltered or stumbled he left nothing out. The story of Luke's betrayal. Rey coming to him. Snoke's deception. The fight that had followed. Leia listened intently, not only for the sake of the story but also drinking in Ben himself, noticing everything about him, his expressions, the words he chose, the times he glanced down or away, remembering something, revealing something. The Force flowed between them, strong and sure, and by the time Ben had finished Rey was almost sure their own feeling of each other in the Force had grown that much stronger for the communion.

“I only knew the smallest fraction of what happened at the end,” Leia said, glancing at Rey, “but I can understand how hard it would be to try and tell this to someone. To explain, even to another Force user or sensitive, the experience you two have had, especially in these circumstances... I know why you didn't tell me. I'm not sure I would have, in your position. But it seems evident that this bond hasn't changed your mind,” she said, turning back to Ben. He said nothing, his face gone mask-like again. “And that means I need to know that this won't be a problem for Rey.”

“It won't,” he said, his voice soft, his tone condemning.

“We've sworn to each other,” Rey said, not looking at Ben but looking at Leia instead. “Not to hurt each other in the bond. Not to try to force or trick each other. Not to... not to try to turn the other if they don't want it.” Ben's shock and gratitude at the revelation, both to Leia and to him, resounded in Rey's mind, along with something flavored strongly like a sudden deep, fierce adoration that she didn't want to consider too closely. “We know neither of us would ever.”

“And Rey knows,” Ben contributed, looking between her and Leia then back to her again, “that if I was hurting her, even accidentally, I'd destroy the bond. If that was what it took.” 

Rey looked at him, a terrible, horrible weight in her chest, knowing what she had to say next, fearing it, already crying out from it. “And I-- I would too. I would do it. If I had to.”

Ben's hand tightened on hers as the moment seemed almost to shiver, as if the bond itself was reverberating like a gong in response to the strength of what they were feeling, the strength of the words and what they meant. Rey sent a feeling out, a strong and desperate feeling, not to Ben but into the Force itself, a wordless plea that they wouldn't have to, that neither of them would ever have to. If there was such a thing as a Force-led fate she begged that it would protect them from that.

“Oh Rey,” Leia said, her voice soft with sympathy, and Rey tore her eyes away from Ben to see Leia watching them, looking, oddly, not at her son but at Rey herself, her face tight with sadness and fear. “Oh Rey,” she said again.

“We wouldn't,” Rey said, believing it, making that belief real in her words, standing upon it like it was the one thing saving her from a long and endless fall. “We wouldn't, ever. But if.”

Leia looked away as if she'd seen something that hurt her, gently letting go of Ben's hand and standing to her feet. “I need to return to my duties,” she said. “I'll leave you two alone. Ben...” she hesitated for a long moment, looking at him, just looking at him, like it might be the last time she would ever see her son. For all any of them could know, it would be. “I love you,” Leia said at last.

Ben cleared his throat then smiled, just a little, and said, “I know.” Leia smiled back, turning away, and the door hissed open and shut and she was gone. The silence in her wake seemed to settle softly around them, the relief that the moment was over and that they had somehow, some way, seen each other through it.

“She didn't blow up the room,” Ben pointed out, his voice soft, seeming to unravel a little, as though he'd been holding himself together while his mother was here and now that it was just them he could let the cracks show.

“How are you?” Rey asked, still holding his hand tightly with both of hers.

“Better in some ways. Worse in others.” He sighed, shaking his head. “She thinks I'm going to hurt you.”

“I don't think she does,” Rey said slowly, trying to parse out that sad look Leia had given her at the end. “But she lost Luke not that long ago, you know. And if they were bonded- and when he cut himself off from the Force before that- it must have been terrible. To feel that end. I don't know how she goes on, sometimes.”

“And Han before that,” Ben murmured even more quietly. Rey started a little, leaning towards him, not sure what to say. He'd never brought up his father's death before.

“Why did you do it, Ben?” she asked, a question she'd wanted an answer to since the moment it had happened, since she'd seen that red lightsaber blade appear on the other side of Han's body, and Han touching his son's face before he fell.

“I thought... something so terrible, so unforgivable, would tip me over the edge. Like I was cutting my last lifeline and after that I'd be so far gone I'd never have to feel doubt or uncertainty or wavering ever again. I thought it would destroy me, to destroy him. And I wanted that, very badly. But you were already there,” he said, glancing up at her. “I already had another lifeline whether I liked it or not. The Force bonded us the moment we met, and even before we knew it had happened the Force in you wouldn't let me go.”

“And did you want to destroy me, when you realized that?” Rey asked, uncertain if she wanted to hear the answer.

“Never,” he said instantly, reaching up with his free hand to touch her face, running a finger down her forehead, across the bridge of her nose, and onto her cheek, where his scar was that she'd given him. “You didn't just scar me on the outside, you know,” he said softly. They looked at each other for a long while and he ran his finger down the same path again before taking his hand away, his smile soft and full of so much emotion it almost hurt to look at.

“I didn't understand,” Rey told him, confessed to him really. “What you were promising, when you talked about destroying the bond. What you meant. I thought it wouldn't be so bad, if being bonded to me drew you towards the Light side, because I don't think the Light would hurt you. But I don't want to make you go against your nature, even if I think it would be better. I want the you that you already are.”

Ben nodded, glancing down at their joined hands then looking up at her again. “Even now I'm not sure how much of Ben is left in me.”

“All of him,” Rey said firmly. “Every bit of him.”

“Oh yes?” Ben asked, smiling again.

“You have always been Ben,” she said, letting go of his hand with one of hers to trace his scar. “You have always been Ben.”

They clasped hands again and sat together for a long time, the Force strong between and around them. Rey wondered if Leia could feel it, wherever she was, and decided that she could. She wondered if it made Leia happy or sad and hoped that she was leaning more towards happiness rather than anything else. They sat like that until they could feel without words that it was time to go, like a gentle draining sensation, pulling them back to their separate worlds. Ben smiled one more time, drawing his hands out from between Rey’s, and he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Original tumblr A/N: Another one of my endless oneshots, I know. It keeps me sane in the middle of constantly grinding on my series tbh. I need the break every now and again before I get stuck in a long-term plot


End file.
